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so green and so fresh. NO to green jokes anymore. let us be a good example. Come join me in the Crusade Against Nasty, Tasteless, Obscene Typing in th net in other word C.A.N.T.O.T. net ( for adults only!)

20 Dec

# seventy ways to make a woman happy
– 1 is shopping;
the rest is 69

#8 kinds of women in bed
– optimistic: yes! yes! yes!
-pessimistic: no! no! no!
-confused: Yes! no! yes!
astmatic : ah! Ah!
athletic: Faster! faster!
prophet: I’m Coming!
nyphomaniac: all of the above.

#talagang mas mahal ng Diyos ang lalaki….
binigyan na sila ng dalawang itlog ,dinagdagan pa ng hotdog.
Samantalang sa babae, TINAPAY na nga lang, hinati pa. Tapos, palaman -MANI

#God called Adam and Eve to choose from among the last 2 gifts
God asked, ” who wants the ability to urinate while standing up?”
“Me!” replied Adam. I’ll take that one (advantage nga naman).
” Okay” God said then looked at the female.
“Lucky you Eve” He said.
“You shall have the gift of MULTIPLE ORGASM”.
“ANG DAYA!” Adam complained….

# Q: Anong pinaka- ayaw ng girls mawala sa isang guy?
A: PAGTITIWALA
Isipin mo nga naman pag-titi-wala!

#Breast of women in their;
20’s- like melon.. round and firm
30’s & 40’s-like pears.. hang a little bit
50’s and above- like onions… it makes you cry

#26 useless body parts of men
1 adams apple , that can’t eat
20 nails, that cant be hammered
2 nipples, without milk
2 eggs , that cant be cooked
1 bird , that can’t fly

#VAGINA is the best REHAB CENTER in the whole world
-dahil lahat ng pumasok, hard headed, brusko, bulies at tigasin
paglabas nanlalata, lambot and humble with no sign of vengeance.

#Q:the longest sentence known to Man..
A: “I DO”

#Pari: Ilan ang asawa mo
Ryan the Man: 16 po pare
Pari: putcha ka ang dami!
Ryan the Man: 4 richer , 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worsed. kumpleto po yan father mukhang madadagdagan pa ng apat yan… 4 ever…..

# New Signs at Motel
We welcome you with open legs. Its not how short or how long you stay.
what matters is yo CAME!

#BOY; Paano mo naman nasabi akin yang pinag-bubuntis mo
Girl: eh tatlo na silang tumangi , tinanong ko sabi nila hindi daw sa kanila. kaya sure na sure ako sayo to’ kasi ikaw na lang ang natitira.

# AMA: Tang-I@# mo ka! Buntis ang anak ko!
Ryan The Man: May asawa na po ako
AMA: Paano ito?
Ryan The Man: Areglo na lang po . 2M pag lalaki, 1.5M pag babae…
AMA: Okay…Okay… pero pag nakunan give her another chance ,ha!

#Girl: Dad, buntis ako
Dad: Sino may gawa nito!
Girl: Si Janssen Licerio po!
Dad: did he do it against your will?
Girl: No, Dad. He dit it against the wall!

# a little boy is so jealous of his new born brother that he put poison on the nipple of his mother while she is sleeping.THE NEXT DAY THEIR DRIVER DIED.

#Maid 1; Yung amo ko galante. Lagi nagbibigay ng Pera’t damit at alahas pag wala si Ma’am
Maid 2: Yung amo ko na si Ritchie Madriaga kuripot. Lagi kami sabay mag shower para tipid daw sa tubig.

#Maid: Naku ate! na rape ako ng magnanakaw!
Amo: Bakit di ka sumigaw
Maid: akala ko po kasi si SIR, eh. Pero nu’ng nakadala na siya, doon na ako nagduda!

#Lalaki: kung marunong ka lang sa bahay , hindi sana tipid tayo sa 3000 Pesos na sahod sa maid
Babae: Kung ikaw lang eh’ magaling sa kama e di makakatipid tayo sa 4000 pesos sa driver!

#sa salamin ng nursery
Pare 1: pards ang lusog ng anak ko
Pare 2: Oo nga , siguro pAglaki niyan magaling mag drive.
Pare 1: Dahil ba sa malaki ang kamay
Pare2: Hindi! Kamukha kasi ng DRIVER niyo…

#3 Daughters
D1: dad I’m going out with
PETE to EAT
DAD: ok
D2: dad I’m going out with
LANCE to DANCE
DAD: ok
D3: dad im going with
CHUCK to —-…
DAD: LETCHE ka! manahimik ka dito sa bahay

#SEX SHOP SA Metro Walk
Girl: excuse me saan ang vibrators
Clerk: sa may wall po naka display
Girl: ok I’ll get the red one
Clerk: Ma’am sorry po hindi po namin pinag-bebenta yung Fire Extinguisher

#Mom ask daughter about her sex life. she only said ” CEBU PACIFIC”
then nagalit si Mother kasi ang layo ng sagot.
On the way home Mom saw a billboard. She was shocked.
the billboad says
“CEBU PACIFIC…7 days a week, twice daily in both ways!”
#Q: ano ang favorite na sugal ng mga PARI?
A: MAHJONG…doon lang kasi sila nakakasalat ng FLOWER.

# Balita sa isang pahayagan..
” Isang kilalang Pari, hinipuan sa Legs si Sister!”
statement ni Sister hango sa bible
PSALM 129..
“Go higher and find glory”

#little boy talking to mama
LB: mommy, i just found out the little boy next door has a penis like peanut
MOMMY: you mean it’s small
LB: no, its so salty!

#LIttle girl talking to mama
LG: mom , what is penis
MAMA: if you’re good, you’ll get one
LG: paano kung bad ako
MAMA: then you’ll get more!

#LITTLE BOY PRAYER
dear lord please send clothes for those poor women who don’t have even bra and panties in my daddy’s Magazine. AMEN

#thoughts of the day:
Do not worry avoiding all the temptations. As you grow older they will start to avoid you..

#Q: define RETIREMENT?
A: RETIREMENT is when you are replaced by a compute at work and a vibrator at home.

#prostitution is the best job in the world
WHY? —- they have it, they sell it… and they still have it!

# Sa isang CASA sa abroad
clerk: come in sir, dami bata at sexy sa loob
Customer: i loke sana yung matured and mataba
Clerk: uy! si sir homesick na!

# Q; what word start with an F, ends up with UCK, and causes a lot of noisy excitement ?
A: Firetruck! NAWILI KA NA MASYADO

chow!

 
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Posted by on December 20, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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